Category: Testimony

What I Can See – What I Can’t See

~ William Turner ~ Leave a comment

SUMMARY: The last few days I have been working on my telescope. My mind began to wander as I thought about views it offers versus views beyond its ability.

 

[ VISION ] -RARE GIFTS, CHANGE, & MORE: More times than I care to confess, I have longed to return to the only place I have ever called “home”. You will find me here in Rotonda West, FL of my own free will and choices. My love for Heather will always remain stronger than the Siren’s Song calling out to me. My home, my heart, my love are right here in front of me. Though their song attempts to deceive me and pull me into a world no longer my own, I am already home. My life will not be drawn into deadly waters by a deceptive song. 

Yet, there is a very distinct difference between missing those I love and the disturbing thoughts made to pull my mind apart. 

Today, my first message was sent to my son. He remains in my prayers, my thoughts, my heart, and my longing to see him and his wife, again. Distance and difference has created a rift in our communication and our convening within space and time. 

The remaining part of this article is dedicated to my daughter and the relationship between her and a telescope. 

Essentially, by the laws of physics and the speed of light, I can see into the past, much like a time machine, with my telescope. It permits firsthand views of our solar system and into our galaxy. I’ve seen spectacular views of our moon; a heavenly body 238,900 miles away from the backyard. I gazed deep into craters that are mere circles to the unaided eye. I’ve gazed upon a red giant star with a pair of bright white companions beyond the vision of any human. 

Almost two years ago, Heather blessed me with the telescope that I speak of and I offer her my gratitude each time I point it towards the stars. Heather’s gift offers me views of God’s creation millions of miles from where I stand. Words cannot express how fortunate I am for this gift. The phone calls to Heather, made from our backyard to the bedroom just beyond the wall in front of me, would provide that opportunity to hear those feelings. Of the billions of people in this world, I am amongst the few who possess the firsthand knowledge of what lies beyond the first star to the left.

Here, I become a person unworthy of the blessings I receive. Where I am engulfed by greed and envy for what I don’t possess. I can peer deep into our night sky to see God’s majestic creation on display for “me”. By the combination of lens and position the gift sitting in front of me can reach out light years into the Milky Way galaxy.

However, this magnificent instrument forever lacks the capacity to show me a world less than 700 miles away from where I stand. A world where my loved ones continue their lives celebrating  birthdays, graduations, the birth of grandchildren…all the while…beyond my vision. 

The image I chose for this article is offered to my daughter as a gift for her birthday. Through God’s Time Machine, I retrieved an image of a beautiful girl who need only look up to find me. 

Testimony -Absent But Not Lost

~ William Turner ~ Leave a comment

SUMMARY: My friend lost his mother to cancer last week. Once again, my initial inability to offer him and his family support turned into another “book”.

 

[ LOVED ONES ] -FAITH, MEMORIES, & PROMISES: When we last spoke, he was in a somewhat manic state as he addressed his mother’s last wishes.

The one item that he made perfectly clear was the fact that all were at peace.

My friend and his siblings were by her side when she left this world and her pain behind. She now rests with Jesus. Her faith and life of service in His name are testimony to this fact. No matter the beliefs my friend and his siblings may hold, I believe they know this Truth just as well.

In the days to come, I pray they maintain their faith in the knowledge she is finally free from the pain and suffering of this world. I pray the faith their mother kept, that provided her strength, courage and the promise of eternal peace, remains alive and strong in each of their memories.

In the days to come, may they also find peace in the beliefs their father maintains. As this world takes its toll upon his mind and body, in time, he too shall come to know the eternal peace in the promise of his faith.

This world in which we live is not our home.

The beauty of God’s creation can be seen in this world if you choose to look for it. Yet, the majesty of His creation pales in comparison to the home that awaits those who would believe.

 

Medical Update -Troubleshooting

~ William Turner ~ Leave a comment

SUMMARY: For quite a while (as in several years), I’ve been experiencing some rather intense fatigue and weakness much like flu symptoms. This article outlines the efforts to isolate the culprit.

 

[ MEDICAL MYSTERY MACHINE ] -ONLY ME: On October 3rd, several blood tests were conducted to assess several routine functions of my body. These include common items such as Hemoglobin A1C (diabetes index), Complete Metabolic Panel (CMP), Complete Blood Count (CBC), Thyroid, Testosterone, PSA (screening for signs of prostate cancer), Tacrolimus (one of my primary transplant medications), and a few other items.

As the results began to show up, I jokingly wondered if my blood had been mixed up with someone else’s. The amount of “green” colors attached to the results was welcomed but not expected. My kidney and liver functions are great. My A1C is below the maximum level for a diagnosed diabetic patient. My thyroid and testosterone levels are within normal limits. With the exception of my cholesterol levels (not lifestyle issues), even those levels were unimpressive as sources of concern.

My Tacrolimus level was below the normal therapeutic range. However, my dosage has been adjusted and will be checked again in a few weeks. 

So, we come to the search for why I have been experiencing the fatigue and systemic inflammation issues. As my immune system is almost nonexistent, I’m susceptible to what are called “opportunistic infections”. Over 90% of the population are carriers of two viruses that can be associated with the fatigue symptoms. These are Cytomegalovirus (CMV) and Epstein-Barr Virus (EBV). As an active CMV infection could be lethal, I’m regularly screened for this virus. Both tests returned negative indications for active infections. Tests for vitamin B and vitamin D deficiency were also negative. My thyroid and testosterone levels are within normal levels. Essentially, without going deeper into the more obscure possibilities, nothing in the normal realm is poking its head up say, “Hey, it’s me!”, giving you a hard time. 

Before my December follow-up visit with my primary care physician (PCP), I will have more labs to delve into the more obscure possibilities. However, due to the incredible number of medications and diagnoses, isolation of a candidate is also an incredibly challenging task. That is until I entered my “Thought Tank”, otherwise known as the shower. And there, the day after my visit with my PCP, what should have been an obvious answer long ago made itself known once again. 

Years ago, the team at Vanderbilt started me on a drug called “Pravastatin”. It is used to help improve your cholesterol levels. Upon starting the medication, I experienced an immediate reaction…muscle weakness and fatigue. The reaction was documented and my tolerated dose reduced to 10mg daily. 

Several years later and a new transplant center (Tampa General Hospital), I was again prescribed Pravastatin for cholesterol control at a dosage of 40mg daily. Yeah, that’s four times the dosage I could tolerate without becoming symptomatic. The history with this medication had become a faded memory by this time. Now, nearly six years later…as I search in vain for the cause of my extreme fatigue issues…I finally remembered why that drug has never been my friend. 

After consulting with my PCP and sharing my previous experiences with this meditation, I have discontinued taking it for about three to four weeks. This will give my body (and liver) enough time for complete clearance. If my symptoms begin to dissipate, then I’ve established the first part of a proven cause of my symptoms. To completely eliminate the drug and its association with the fatigue symptoms, I will have to take the medication for a short period to see if the symptoms return. As many factors are constantly in play, this is the best way of identifying or isolating the culprit from the incredible number of possibilities.

As I approach the end of the first week without the Pravastatin, I continue praying the symptoms decline and that I have finally found a simple solution to a truly shitty situation.

My friends in the medical community are already aware of this common problem associated with “statins” or cholesterol drugs. I’m incapable of explaining why I’m just now remembering the history and reaction to this drug. Maybe the sheer number of medications in my personal pharmacy blinded my comprehension. Time, age, memory recall and mental stress are also contributing factors to consider amongst the possibilities. 

For reasons requiring an article of exploration of its own, the state of my mind and mental health have been and continue along a path of diminishing capacity. The contributing factors exist primarily beyond my control creating a dangerous self-fueling mechanism of decline. 

Bootstrap’s Philosophy

~ William Turner ~ Leave a comment

SUMMARY: More philosophical pondering about life and the world in general.

 

[ OUR UNIVERSE ] -LIMITATIONS:  The circle. Existing eternally without a beginning or an end. Yet, in our world, impossible to create in true perfection.

The circle, extrapolated around a central axis becomes a sphere. Infinite distortion and disruptive forces applied from every direction; never existing in perfect harmony or peace.

Eternal. Perfect. Infinite. Harmony. Peaceful.

Apply the word “Love” or “Existence” to the five words above. Where would you look to find any of the combinations?

 

Medical Update – Routine Maintenance

~ William Turner ~ Leave a comment


[ SUMMARY ] -MEDICAL UPDATE: Yesterday, my first stop was Quest to donate blood (eleven vials) and then onto visit with my pulmonologist.

 

[ LABS ] -ROUTINE: The blood tests are mostly routine requests from my Primary Care Physician (PCP) and Pulmonologist (lungs). The exceptions being a few tests searching for potential candidates for excessive fatigue. Results will be available in a few days. For those interested, I’m creating a log (trending data) of several items within the Medical page on this website.

[ PULMONOLOGIST ] -ROUTINE VISIT:  As I’m no longer followed by a Lung Transplant Center, I’m seen by an excellent local pulmonologist. I’ve been blessed to have an amazing PCP and Pulmonologist. Both are excellent physicians and people. My PCP “gave” me his cellphone number and asked me to text any questions or requests. My pulmonologist, a physician who listens and does everything possible to reduce the costs of medications and equipment. He walks every patient to check-out and verbally gives the front desk staff instructions.

Pulmonary Function Tests (PFTs) provide an indication of lung volume that can be tracked over time. Deviations provide the first signs of changes (good or bad) and offer indications for additional actions. The primary index derived from PFTs, FEV1 (Forced Expiratory Volume), calculates the amount of air a person can force out of their lungs in one (1) second.  My last FEV1 was 1.34 (0.0 to 4.0 liter scale). Yesterday’s FEV1 was 1.69 (a 26% increase).

However, an unknown factor exists between the two values. The previous value was from my spirometer (device used to measure lung volume) while the second was from my physician’s spirometer. Determining comparative results between the two devices (deviations vs. accuracy) requires testing my spirometer today (timely comparison). Either way, I’m quite pleased to see any improvement even if infinitesimal.

Regarding additional pulmonary tests, two weeks from now I will be picking up a “ring” that connects to my iPhone (via Bluetooth). This device is used to perform an overnight “Sleep Study” at home to record sleep apnea events (how often I quit breathing) and measure respiratory rates and oxygen levels. The collected data will provide evidence determining a need for supplemental oxygen while sleeping. Additionally, as my CPAP machine is both ancient and factory recalled, the data should justify the necessity for a new device.

[ IMAGING-SCANS ] -BONE DENSITY: The only remaining medically relevant item to complete is a DEXA or bone density scan. Included amongst all my “medical issues” is osteoporosis or brittle bones. This exists as a side-effect of current and pre-transplant medications. Interestingly enough, the medication I’m taking to help prevent kidney stones appears to be slowly increasing my bone density. The medication reabsorbs calcium versus allowing it to hang out in my kidneys creating spiked rocks.