One Little Word…

It’s been rather quiet around my blog.  That hasn’t been the case for my life.

I’ve recovered from the stomach modifications that I believe I described in this previous posting. It has successfully stopped the GERD (aka acid reflux) problem.  If you recall, I was not only aspirating the stomach acid…but also whatever food contents still in my stomach as I slept.  My research has shown that lung transplant recipients are prone to developing GERD and gastroparesis (slow-emptying digestive system).  The prominent belief remains “we don’t know” or “it might be vagal nerve damage”.  Either way, over sixteen years of dealing with this has taken its toll on my lungs.  Though I’ve been able to toss the antacid drugs away…I’ve added several new medications to help increase the flow of food through my digestive system.  Seems there’s always a tradeoff.

So, are you wondering what the “One Little Word” post title is all about?  Here’s a hint from one of my wife’s favorite book series…

“You will also find that help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it.” — Albus Dumbledore

Now, I do have to admit, our humble 2-bedroom condo is by no means “Hogwarts”.  It’s the other part of that quote I’m after…one little word…help.  Experience (also know as being old as dirt) has proven no-one can read my mind.  Therefore, if I’m in need of something, like help, then I must ask. So, I’m asking for help.  I thought I would just include a bullet-list of some of the items that are stealing my joy.

• Solitude
  • I spend entirely too many days here alone.  Two options exist, invite someone here or go out and meet someone somewhere.
• Pain
  • Some will never go away.  So can be treated with medications…however, that increases the difficulty found with other bullet points.
  • Activity (as in exercise…or simply moving) is a double-edged sword.  It can increase your mood and it can increase your pain level.
•  Loss (or things I miss)
  • This could include the first bullet point as solitude and/or silence are the side-effects of so many things I miss…or have loss.  I’m honestly afraid to list all of the things I miss…too many feelings (not mine) would suffer.  So…I abstain…nothing new here.
  • I’ve lost contact with so many of my friends and family.  Yes, the phones and IM’s work both ways.  I remember that as I try to lay down to sleep at night.  I remember all the things “I had planned to do today.”  And that’s the next bullet point.
• Guilt
  • Yeah.  Is it bedtime?  If so, we can talk about this one.
• Health
  • Uh huh. About that…
• Distance/Location
  • This one is ______.
• Depression
  • Take all the bullet points from above…shove them in a tiny little box until the sides are bulging out…just about to explode.

Just for the record, I see a therapist and a psychiatrist on a regular basis.  So…don’t worry I’m gone off the deep-end.  No, I’m asking for help before I find myself there.  And yes, I know everyone has their burden…and mine pales in comparison to many others here on Earth.  I try my best to be thankful for all that I have…but I still hurt because of the many things I have lost.

–Bill