I’m breaking from the story lines I’ve been building-up to speak about the mission I feel God has set before me (sharing my testimony) and the obvious attacks meant to divert me from this service.
As I told my wife and a friend from church this afternoon, I feel as if a circle of negativity has surrounded me, my children, my family & friends…”my house”. I know the enemy. I know what he’s trying to do. For each blessing God sends my way (pain relief, worldly help and just a sense of Hope)…the enemy who I won’t even honor by naming…sends in his demons for another attack. If the enemy succeeds, he keeps me from this keyboard. If the enemy succeeds, I don’t ever share the stories of how God has touched and blessed every part of my life. The enemy will hurt me…he will hurt my children…and my friends. He will get inside my mind and try and convince me that I have no purpose in this world. The enemy will do everything he can to keep the good word of my Lord from reaching you. Right here and now…in Jesus’ name…I “command” my enemy to leave. To leave the presence of my children, my family & friends, my mind & body…and especially the presence of my home. This is Holy ground…prayed upon before a stitch of furniture was ever placed here. You are not allowed here. Be gone with you and your pathetic minions…there is no place for you in my Lord’s house.
Today’s goal is to get the laundry put away. We’ve been to a financial meeting and library story time already. Now we are home until this evening’s “First Responders Night”. I just got the little one down for a nap and now the big one needs lunch. Laundry is a lofty goal but we shall see.
I am a 38 year old professional woman, married for almost 11 years and mother to two amazing boys. I have been working full time and planed to leaving my career to stay home, but was given an amazing opportunity so I will be returning to work in August. I would like to share our survival with you! Meal planning, cleaning schedule, kids stuff, birthday parties, life.
(NIV) Psalms 119:7-8
7 I will praise you with an upright heart
as I learn your righteous laws.
8 I will obey your decrees;
do not utterly forsake me.
I was listening to a channel on SiriusXM today called “The Message” (Channel 63 if you’re interested). Occasionally, they’ll have someone on who will offer a testimony of how they feel faith and God helped them through a tough or “low” spot in their life. Today’s guest was Christian recording artist Matthew West. Matthew spoke about how he had finally made it to that spot in the music business where he would be able to start recording and publishing his music. However, just as he had reached that pinnacle he discovered he needs surgery on his vocal cords. Matthew has “paid his dues” and is on the cusp off finally seeing his life goals come true only to find out…he may never sing again.
Matthew spoke about going through six months of rehab after the surgery and how he constantly gave his burden and worries to Jesus. When the six months had expired, his doctor ordered him to go into the studio and give recording and singing a test. The session was successful and resulted in the creation one of his most popular songs. Matthew had reached what he felt was an incredible “low spot” in his life and came out on top…giving credit to his faith in God.
It’s a beautiful story…most people would agree. However, the moment I was listening to his testimony…I acknowledged his faith and how his life goals could have been cut short…but I also had the though of ,”You call that a low spot?” enter my mind. I placed judgment upon the validity of Matthew’s “low spot”. I know why I did it…because deep down inside of me exists an emotion called “bitterness”…or maybe “envy”? Here was a man who was faced with a career ending condition…saved by the carefully guided hands of his surgeons…now making the best of the second chance he was given.
In my head, I saw a man deep in the pit of despair…desperate for the same healing Matthew had received. Desperate to be repaired and then put back out there to make his dreams come true. Shame is the emotion that followed when I realized how I had passed judgement without possessing even a small sliver of that right. Each person’s burden is unique and it’s not my job to decide whose burden is worse than the other. That’s my Creator’s job.
Yes, I have quite the list of medical problems…but there are people on this planet who endure daily burdens I simply can’t comprehend. Yet, I had the arrogance to sit there in my nice car, waiting for medications I can afford, sucking on a soda, and chowing down on a taco I had purchase only few minutes earlier.
You know, I think I’ll take down the glass walls this weekend.
P.S. When I get back to the “How I Got Here” series…I’ll get to tell you about a “poor” man whose faith is stronger, more honest, as he lives each day in his broken body than when he was healthier and “richer”.
Until next time… “Be Blessed”
So, two days ago…I think it was…I was upstairs in the office and decided that I wanted to get my M-Audio 61-key MIDI controller out of the corner and make use of it with the little jam session I had in progress. I broke my own rule…ALWAYS…yes AWAYS wear shoes. Being a diabetic…it’s one of the necessary evils to help prevent damage you really don’t want and especially don’t need. I’m wearing loose fitting socks…on carpet. As you can see in the picture below…there’s all kinds of $hi7 in between that corner behind the oscillating fan (where the keyboard was stored) and where I was standing.
Here I go…trying to stretch that distance to grab a keyboard that is NOT all that light. My left foot twists inside my sock…causing me to loose my footing windup on my back on top of all the items you see in the photo. I sketched in a Mr. Bill image to indicate my landing zone.
The camera tripod is broken, The plastic tub is cracked. That tape dispenser wound up somewhere in my lower back…inches baby…just thing about it. Of course, there’s the effort of trying to get Mr. Bill “The Beluga” off of the floor and try to assess the damage to the body and property. It’s really strange how your body hurts worse a couple days after an incident than the day of the injury. Trying to tie my shoes this morning was an emotional event. Between having to ask friends for help moving some equipment downstairs to be sold and crazy pain in my back just trying to tie my shoes…my small amount of self-esteem and sense of manhood seemed to have left the building with Elvis last week. Y’all do know he’s not dead, right? He just went home,
On a side note, Heather says that about the 2nd or 3rd time she’s able to document falls in the last couple of weeks. I assume I’m having a reaction to medications or I need some physical therapy. to strengthen my core to compensate for whatever’s keeping me off-balance.
I hope I was able to lighten your day. You ask how can me hurting myself lighten my day? Envision the fall. It had to be the most hilarious acrobatic feat in centuries. Cirque Du Soleil doesn’t hold a candle to my performance. And wouldn’t you know it…the camera in the office was offline…so I wasn’t able to catch fall on video. I really wanted to send it in to America’s Funniest Videos.
Until next time…
This is a story about “DUH” moments. Yesterday, it occurred to me that I’m spending so much time trying to build my “How I Got Here” series…that I’ve completely ignored the present and future thoughts and events I need to share. So, that being said…I’m going to try and run stories about the past, present and future. We’ll see what Mr. ADD has to say about that. Given the number of “squirrels” I incur on a daily basis…it shouldn’t be all that hard to keep every one confused.
I’ll start off the present in the next post.